Prologue Persona

0 – The Fool

Prologue – Ends are nothing but New Starts

Wednesday, March 21st, 2012

“I am thou.”

The inner power of one’s mind... The true self.

“Thou art I.”

                Those words echo in my head as I finish packing my last belonging: the photo I took with all of my friends a few days ago.

My room, which now crowded with my boxed belongings, was starting to feel somewhat melancholic. So many things took part here that it is almost an understatement that saying that I like this room. It hurts me inside to have to leave it, but I really do not have a choice, do I?

This room turned out to be somewhere very important to me, I guess. After all, it was here where so many important points in my life in Inaba happened. It was here, in this very room, where I discovered my power to enter the TV. It was here, that I worked part-time over night to get a little bit of change money for myself. It was here, that I read countless books on the sofa. It was here, that I fiercely studied to do well on my tests... It was here that so much of what made my stay in Inaba as significant as it was.

Back on the day I moved here I would never had thought that the time I would spend here in Inaba would be the best year of my entire life so far. I met so many people of so many varieties, and changed not only myself by meeting them, but changed their lives completely as well. People that initially hated me, people that initially seemed out of reach, people I would never have met in a place like Tokyo. I guess it’s one of the many consequences of living in a small town. Hard to believe it all happened in a year. It seems to be so much more time... but at the same time it seems it went by in a few days.

These thoughts never stop spreading through my mind. The thoughts of the year I’ve spent here, and of the people I’ve met. I guess Igor was right after all; this year was certainly a turning point in my destiny. I wonder though... Why me? Was it simply destiny that chose me as a guinea pig for its experiments? Was this a mere coincidence? Or maybe I’m special after all? I don’t have this answer until this day.

While my thoughts make me reflect what happened this last year, I finally finish double-checking my room for anything I’ve may have forgotten. It doesn’t really seem like I have, so I sit down on the couch, which was still there, much like when I first arrived, to take a small rest before leaving. Moments after I sit down, much like if it knew that I was finally done, I feel my cellphone vibrating inside my pocket. As I pick it up to check it out, the screen displays ‘One Text Message’. I flip it open to check what it is:

''“where u at? we’re all here w8in for u already. pls dun take long, i wanna stay with u a lil longer before u leave” ''I read as an almighty force grasped my heart. It is that one feeling that I have whenever I think of her. Love sure is one weird thing, it makes me feel... fuzzy, happy, awkward and cheerful, all at the same time. It is the best feeling in the world.

From all the things I didn’t expect to get while in Inaba, the one in the very first place was a girlfriend. Even less a beautiful and cheerful girlfriend like her. I guess I lucked out. She probably would never have guessed she would date me, the new transfer student, either. Destiny really is a trickster in the end, heh?

''“i’m almost done packing my things, won’t take long, promise”'' I can’t help but to send a message answering her.

It really hurts me inside having to leave her in Inaba, not that we’re going to break-up or anything, as that is never happening. At least not on my watch. But it hurts to leave her in Inaba while I go back to Tokyo. I wish I could take her with me. In actual truth, I wish I could not leave this town. My friends and her are way too important for me... leaving them behind is like pouring salt on a fresh wound.

To be honest, I think that Inaba grew to be a place I value even more than back home. When my parents first touched on the matter of me having to move out of the big city, I was quite upset. I grew so accustomed to living in the big city that it worried me to have to move out. Life back there was not only simplistic in a sense, but was also very dull compared to what I have here. Friends barely met in person, people on the streets were all ignorant to people that they crossed ways with and even their mood and overall personality were completely different.

The feeling I have when going back there is that no one will even notice that I was away. In a sense, I don’t blame them; I never contacted anyone I knew from there while in Inaba. It wasn’t because I had sore feelings or anything of the sort, and more because I just didn’t feel any need to do so. Most people weren’t really my friends, heck; they were hardly acquaintances most of the time.

Inaba... it was nice while it lasted. I’m sure I’ll be back here sooner than later though. After all, I have a relationship to keep healthy and nice. I would hate for her to fall for someone like Yosuke in my absence, even if I know that is straight out impossible; she can’t stand the guy. Maybe the inverse would be more likely. Nah... Yosuke loves Rise way too much for that. I can still remember the many times he called me late at night to tell me some creepy dream he had with her. Yosuke... he never changes.

I wonder how my parents will react to my new self. They’ll probably think Uncle brainwashed me into thinking the country is a fun place. They wouldn’t last a week. Well, at least Dad wouldn’t. Mom... maybe. Wow... I just noticed how long it has been since I last thought of my old folks... I guess leaving Tokyo in a sore mood with them was a bad idea after all, this idea of sending me over to Inaba was the best one they ever had. I guess an apology is under way once I get back there. It’s weird though... It’s been almost a whole year since I last talked to them. Wonder if they’re still mad about it. Guess I’ll have to find out.

“Narukami! You ready to go? It’s already getting late!”

As I snapped out of my thoughts I heard Uncle Dojima calling me from downstairs. “Alright! Coming down!” I reach for my pocket to check on the clock. 8:56 AM. A little bit more than 60 minutes before I catch my train. Well, guess it’s time to go. I pick up my traveling bag from the floor beside the couch and head to the door. Looking back to my room one last time from the opened door, I say a goodbye inside my mind.

As I go down the stairs I can hear a faint conversation coming from the living room, having myself slowing down a little bit before climbing down the last steps.

“...he really need to go, Dad?” I hear Nanako’s voice first.

“I’m sorry Nanako… But look, it’s not like he isn’t coming back. Don’t cry Nanako. He’ll be here before you notice he is gone...” And then Dojima’s voice.

“B-But...” she seems to stumble on her words, seemingly trying to hold her tears.

“Nanako... Your cousin has to go back home. His parents miss him as well,” Dojima attempted to ease her. “If you show him you’re sad he’ll only feel worse from going away. Trust me, he won’t forget about us anytime soon. And if he does he’ll have to go have a talk with me at the police station!” He said jokingly, making Nanako give an ever so faint laugh.

It’s hard to believe how mature Nanako tries to be. Being alone for so long must’ve been though for her on her younger years. It’s not like she was completely alone, but since uncle Dojima couldn’t spend much time with her due to his work, I think that my presence around the house for this past year is something that has marked Nanako forever. Nanako is the little sister my parents always told me they would have, but never did. At least that is how I few towards her. In reality, I feel like Dojima has been a better parent than both of mine in the past few years. They aren’t bad parents, but they’re certainly not the kind of parents you can take as an example. Dojima was a little bit like that when I first arrived as well, but at least he made his own part to change and see what’s more important to him over his job. My parents… well, they never learned; they haven’t even tried.

After waiting a few moments to assure I came down in an ideal moment, I stepped down the last steps.

“You’re ready to go? You wouldn’t like to miss your train,” I hear Dojima asking from the couch as soon as his eyes catch me, as if his talk with Nanako had never even happened.

“Yeah, I was just giving one last goodbye to my room,” I told him as he gave a dry smile, probably reminiscent from his talk.

“Huh, you got attached to that old cellar after all,” Dojima chuckled, whacking his bitterness away.

“Heh, yeah. That place holds a little more than some dusty TV and sofa for me.” After saying that, Dojima gave me a little grin. Just then noticed Nanako wasn’t in the room, and rather, seemed to be outside. “Is Nanako not–“

“Hey… Naru– no… Yu,” Dojima interrupted me with a somewhat stern voice, giving me a straight look, “Before you leave… I would just like to have a little talk with you.”

Dojima never before in this past year called me by my actual name. I felt a little bit uncertain about what it was that he wanted with me, but my worries slowly dried down as I knew who I was talking to, and that he wasn’t angry or mad at me; it was his unique and weird way of expression.

“Sit here, beside me.” I followed as he motioned me to sit on the couch. Once I sat, I crossed my legs, and waited for his next words, looking firmly to him.

A small period of silence followed the topic, as if Dojima didn’t know what to say. Even if I don’t know what exactly he wants, I had a feeling he was just choosing his words. It was always like this whenever I talked with him during the night, sometimes even going as far as having to wait up to a minute or two for him to start talking again after finishing a thought or a general mouthful when he felt I did something wrong. This feeling… the exact feeling of mutual fear and trust… it feels nice.

“Look…” he adjusted his tie, “This last year was something else. Your arriving here was something that changed my life and Nanako’s as well, in a way I never expected,” Dojima, looking me straight into the eyes, gave me a stiff look. “It’s hard to see you go away. I’m not the best with these kind of talks, but I just wanted to give you…” he made a pause, sadness clearly present in his eyes, “I just wanted to sincerely thank you. Thank you for everything you did to this family. I really… could not repay what you did.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I only did what I felt right.” I gave him my typical small words.

Dojima then gave a glance outside, looking towards sky for a few moments. “You know, Naruk– Yu, I more than anyone wanted you to stay around. Even if I know you hid somethings from me during the year, and you’re not really my son or anything of the sort, you really changed me towards someone I’ve strived to be since Chisato’s death,” he exchanged his view to face mine again, “I’m sure you know this already, but… For me, you’re family. Family as close as my own daughter, and I know she feels the same towards you. Should you ever need me for anything, I’ll be always here,” he concluded giving one of the happiest smiles I’ve ever seen him doing, even as far as seeing a slight glare of a tear forming in his left eye.

“Thank you, Uncle Dojima.” I couldn’t say anything else. At this moment, I felt something that I never felt before from a family member: the feeling of truly being part of a family. Deep in my soul I felt a wish to cry like a newborn baby, just as if I met a long lost relative. It’s something different from what I’ve ever felt with my parents. I’m not sure if this was because I got a little bit of distance from my parents in the past few years or if it was just that they never seemed to really care about it.

I never thought my parents were bad ones. However, to admit that I’ve never felt so acknowledged by my parents like I just did with Dojima is something I must do. My parents were always busy with everything work related, that I felt sort of overwhelmed by loneliness at home. Even if I know they legitimately care for my wellbeing and happiness, it’s just impossible for me to accept that they care about me as deep as the residents of Inaba do. I’m not sure… but that might be one of the consequences of living in the city. Loneliness… that’s one I don’t feel since leaving home last year.

With a shining smile, Dojima looked away again, gazing the clouds for a few moments. Shortly after, he moved his hand into his pocket, and slowly turned back to me. “Yu, I want you to have this,” he hands me an old, rusty-looking badge. “This was my very first detective badge. It’s not an official one, of course. This is one if from the time I was only but a child, hoping to one day fulfil my dream of being a part of the police. I got this from your mom, as a small gift for saving her once from some kids that locked her into the bathroom.” Dojima then gave out a small sigh, looking towards the wall right in front of him, “She had always said that I dreamt too much before that day, trying to solve down some dumb mysteries that popped up while in school. The day she gave me this badge was truly one of the happiest days of my entire life; I was finally accepted by my sister,” he concluded looking a bit down.

I wasn’t sure what to say to all this. It seemed like he was giving me an important piece of his past. I felt honored for being of such importance to him to get a gift like that, but accepting it was other deal. “Uncle Dojima, I can’t–“

“Have you thought about what you plan on doing once you graduate, Yu?” he interrupts me once more.

“I’m… not really sure at this point,” I told him sincerely.

Before continuing talking, Dojima looked up to the wall once more, giving a long sigh. “I know this may sound a little bit selfish… but… would you be interested in being part of the police?” He looked to me, expectantly, with hope filling his eyes. “I know you had some involvement with the murder cases this last year. It requires one to be very dense to not notice how you immediately befriended all of the victims and were always present at the crime scene at the most convenient moments.”

I knew Dojima out of everyone would be one to notice this. Alas, it was pretty obvious I had some involvement in a way or another, and he is a detective, after all. “Uncle, I…” I tried to make out the words to explain, but if I said anything about the TV world he would not believe me in the first place.

“I don’t want to know what your involvement was,” he affirmed, “I just know that without you around these murder cases would’ve been much worse.”

Dojima’s eyes were full of conviction on me; it was quite a bit of pressure coming from him. “Uncle Dojima… where are you going with this?” I went straight into the point. After all, best to know what he means before I actually lose myself a train.

Giving out another sigh as if it was hard for him to conclude what he wanted, he started once more, eyes fixated on mine. “Like I said, this may sound a bit selfish. But the reason I am giving you that badge… is because I want you to enter the police whenever you graduate,” he admitted and then paused.

“So, you basically want me to follow your footsteps, Uncle?” I carved for my answer.

Looking away for a moment, probably looking towards sky once more, he finally concluded. “Well… when you say it like that,” he pressed his lips, “I always wanted to have someone to follow my footsteps. Honestly, having to deal with Adachi this past year was something I enjoyed in the end. It felt like I was guiding someone to succeed me in what I have.”

I understood his feelings at this point. I don’t think he would ever put this sort of burden upon Nanako, if you can call it that. For him, having Nanako go through any kind of danger is worse than going through his own death, and that is something I can relate to. I would never put Nanako through this kind of heavy stuff. If it was anyone else I could say I was saying this just because she is a child… but it is Nanako of whom I’m talking about. Even if she wanted it, I would probably be against it as well.

“Well, regardless of what you decide, I want you to have the badge. Take it as a parting gift for what’s to come. I know you won’t be gone forever, but at least for the time you’ll be away, you have this a little souvenir that you got from your time here,” he finishes chuckling, probably trying to cut the somewhat awkward topic away.

I had a feeling from the time he handed me the badge that he was up to something of the sort. As much as yes, I enjoyed being part of an investigation team and solving cases, I’m not really sure about it. Uncertainty pounded me during this whole year, and I’m not sure dealing with it for the rest of my life is the way to go. Being a police– well, a detective might be that something I’ve been made to be from start, but dealing with cases may be hard. After everything, most times I’ll be dealing with life and death, pressure of whether solving a case will save someone or ultimately be their death. But I feel like… deep in me… it was something I wanted.

After patting me on the back, Dojima got up, picking up the black jacket he takes everywhere. “Nanako, we’re ready to go!” he called out his daughter. “C’mon, you don’t want to miss your train, do you?” he gestured me to get up, extending his hand for me to get up. I grabbed it, and then got up, just as Nanako entered through the front door with a small basket of vegetables, probably from the garden.

“Big bro!” she called me out loud, with a wide, refreshing smile. As she left the basket on the counter, she came down closer to me.

Crouching down so I would be at her height, I gave her a blissful hug, her head going over my shoulder. “Hey Nanako. How you’re doing?”

“Big bro… please stay over for just another week!” she requested in a somewhat teary voice.

I really didn’t like the position she put me into. Saying that I have to go to her does hurt quite a bit. But alas, I have no choice. “I’m sorry Nanako, but I can’t. But don’t you worry about it, when I’m back I promise you that I will take you over to Junes with our friends.” I tried to tone down her sadness with a small promise.

“But… Big bro…” her voice lowered progressively. “I’ll feel lonely without you around,” she tightened up her arms around me.

I gave a quick glance on to Dojima while she was hugging me up. His eyes were definitely harboring a bit of sorrow for her. Even if he did talk to her previously, he does seem to understand her feelings about me leaving, and her need to express how she wants me to stay around. I guess she thought me as family even more than Dojima did. I mean, Dojima’s recent words really opened a new special room in my heart, or at least made the room even bigger. But hers… it really makes me feel as I’m her real brother.

“Hey Nanako, cheer up. I’ll make sure that either Chie or Teddie will keep an eye on you while I’m away,” I tried to soothe her worries even more.

From all my friends that I made while in Inaba, the two that Nanako seem to relate best with are Chie and Teddie. She does well with everybody, of course, but those two take the cake for her. I’m not sure what she sees on Teddie. I guess he just sounds fuzzy and funny to her; he is a pretty clumsy person. Or bear I guess. I guess having Chie coming around quite a lot made her a lot closer to her too. She always asks me when Chie-chan is coming back. It’s… kinda cute.

After a few moments of her being embraced to me, I give a quick look onto Dojima again, his expression clearly telling that we need to go. I then pull Nanako slowly away from me, “Nanako, it’s time for we to go,” I tell her.

She looks down a little bit, seemingly holding back some tears. “M’kay… I’ll just brush my teeth.”

As I watched her move away to the bathroom, I was about to say something else, but Dojima beat me to it.

“Yu, come outside with me,” he told me as I watched him immediately go out the front door.

I wasn’t in place to refuse going outside, and Nanako was already in the bathroom, so I got up and followed him. I’m not sure if he wants to either talk more with me – this time about Nanako of course – or if he wanted something else. Either way, there wasn’t much I could’ve said to Nanako. She will stay down for a while, that’s for sure, but she’ll eventually grow out of it. It’s just the way she is, or at least the way she has always been whenever I saw her feeling sad. I kind of envy her ability to let things go like that. If I had the maturity she has with these kinds of things when I was a kid her age, my childhood would’ve been a lot easier.

Once I was near the shoe place step, I steadfastly slipped my feet onto my shoes and tied them up quickly. After doing so, I opened the partially closed door, as rays of light went through the newly opened doorway, blinding my eyes a little bit. A few moments after, when I was able to clearly see again, I saw Dojima just outside the car, smoking as per usual, looking up to the sky. I then got closer to him, a few steps more distant than usual, as I cannot stand the smell of cigarette smoke.

“You wanted me for anything?” I cracked up a conversation.